Brushes With the Law and Death

1. I was on the verge of hurling myself down a hill on a flying saucer when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a police car turning around a nearby service road. My friends down below asked if it was the police, and if so, Run! We herded the dogs and the sleds together and lumbered the 100 or so yards through the snow to my friends' house. We shoved the dogs through the fence gate because of course, officer, they have been playing here all along. Apparently neither off leash dogs nor sledding is allowed in the park. Nor are flowers. Or love. It is not clear whether the police had any interest in us, but they sure didn't catch us.

2. Later that day, Aaron, Melanie, Dylan, and I were driving to lunch because we know what's important. Suddenly Aaron pulls into a left turn lane at a field where I play ultimate sometimes. I questioned him (he hates it when I do that), as I had no plans to play ultimate that very minute, and, eye on the prize, lunch awaited. As is often the case, I was wrong to wonder what he was doing because he was that very minute being pulled over. The police had caught up with me. No one else in the car had been there though, so I could nobly confess and they could all go free. We had been going all of 23 miles an hour, so we really had no idea why we would be pulled over. The nice policeman thought our inspection had expired. But it had not. So that was that. I think he felt a little bad, and Dylan kindly screamed to try to rub it in.

3. Funny I should mention miles per hour. It has been about six months since I have been to the gym since running outside lets me wear Snuffy out at the same time. He was so tired from his snowy playdate that he put himself to bed in the basement in the middle of the day. He only does that when, um, never. So anyway, I was free to go to the gym to run. The fancy new treadmill asked how fast I would like to go. I said 13, meaning, I'll start at 13 minutes per mile. It thought I meant I would like to start at 13 miles per hour. Holy crap. My little legs kept going faster and faster until I made a flying leap to the side. From that safe vantage point I was able to find the emergency stop button, which I couldn't see from the actual treadmill because of the glare. This treadmill also had those heartrate sensors right at hand level and would periodically flash "using sensors while running is not recommended."