happy free cone day and other recent observations

Never gloat about turning off your heat, for it will cause you to one day come home to find your house at a balmy 61 degrees.

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Free cones! Yay! Thus marks the start of open season on ice cream. And, after a brief scare that our local ice cream place would be moving farther away, we have learned that it will be staying put due to: asbestos at the new location.

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We talk about things that are hot a lot with Dylan with great fear and reverence and an ultimate goal of preventing her from going within ten feet of the stove. So when my mom told Dylan she was feeling hot Dylan got quite alarmed.

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Public Service Announcement
To: Kind-hearted friends and relatives who take Dylan to the playground
She does not want to get off the swing. No, she does not. Stop asking.

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They told me that yesterday at daycare Dylan went around checking everyone's diapers and then trying to get them to come over to the changing table.

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I usually sneak out one weekend night after Dylan goes to bed to do the grocery shopping. I was at Wegmans by myself one night about a week ago. As I walked through the Passover section I noticed matzo sticks and thought to myself, hm, that's interesting, I haven't seen those before. I moved on to the next aisle over when suddenly the area I was in was being swarmed by teenagers looking for, you guessed it, matzo sticks, I guess for some kind of scavenger hunt. When I overheard them I pointed them to the correct aisle and kept looking around where I was. I soon realized that even though there were seven of them and the Passover aisle was about 15 feet long, they still couldn't find them. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, marched over there myself, and handed them a box. I guess that officially makes me someone's mother, doesn't it? Also, I would like someone to arrange a scavenger hunt for me.

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And finally, here's a little nugget from Aaron, who was IMing with my brother about the college housing lottery for next year.

(confidential to Aaron: the top bunk, she is all yours)

Dylan would please like to argue that she is not the face of evil

Weekend morning wanderings

Dylan has officially gone evil. From the minute she wakes up whining in the morning to the time she goes to bed whining at night she expresses her displeasure with the state of things in a tone so grating that we routinely debate putting her down for her noon-time nap at 10:30am or moving her 7pm bedtime up to 5pm. She is an order of magnitude worse with me than she is for anyone else, so we have been getting on each other's nerves a lot. She has (slightly) expanded her repertoire of ways to disobey, and will sometimes run through all of them at once when she, I don't know, is possessed by the dark lord or something. She wants to go OUT-TIDE all the time, which helps, so we have been roaming the neighborhood at all hours of the day and night lately.

Yesterday and today (both weekend days, you might note) she got up at 5:30am and 6:00am, so I was left with the task of entertaining the Displeased One and tending to the One Who Needs to Be Walked by myself at that inopportune hour of the day. Alternatively, I could have awoken the One Who is Really Hard to Wake Up and Also is Cranky Upon Being Awakened, but I'll leave that to you to try, dear reader. Both mornings we made our way to the old rail bed that crosses over the Erie Canal and Route 390. It's sort of a narrow, unofficial trail that rarely has anyone else on it, so both of our high maintenance creatures can run free. We throw the ball for Snuffy and it's really nice for a while, and Dylan actually has quite an arm on her. And quite a single-minded focus on retrieving, unlike the dog.

Then one gets hot because he can't exist at temperatures higher than 65 degrees and the other gets tired and needs to be carried but doesn't want to be in the stroller and I corral them both back home. On our way back we cross over the highway on a bridge that has a chain link fence that goes all the way to the ground, so you can see the cars really well. I have always thought the bridge was really cool, and Snuffy does too after a few of his customary anxiety attacks. Dylan enjoyed it today as well, although the canal is not as popular because she thinks it's a big puddle and gets annoyed that we can't go splash our FEET in it.

I don't know where I'm going with this, other than to conclude that she WANTS ME DEAD. Thank you in advance for your condolences.

Living Dangerously

We here at Bleisenblog Headquarters have been very excited by a new development in traffic organization: the 20mph EZ-Pass lane. When we know one may be coming up, we start giddily anticipating the toll booths several miles in advance. If we're in a car where the sensor-thing isn't attached to the windshield, Aaron usually starts holding it up at least a mile ahead of time. On my way home from a trip to the outlet malls that resulted only in the purchase of 2 pairs of boxers and the return of a pair of SHOES for Dylan, SHOES that were fine in the store, but morphed into hot coals in the home, I eagerly merged into the far right lane ahead of the toll booth, in anticipation of 20mph of glory. My moment of triumph never materialized. There was a police car with its lights flashing blocking the far left lane, and as a result the rest of the lanes had gotten backed up. When I was only a few cars away from the booth, an SUV driver snapped. He couldn't take the 2-minute wait anymore and abruptly cut out of the next lane over into my lane. I thought the car just ahead of me had swerved in time, but I guess it hadn't because it and the SUV both came to a full stop right ahead of me before eventually pulling over. I had time to get my speed up to all of 3mph before I got to the toll booth, and all was lost. D

on't they have the toll sensor things in the overpasses in Australia? That would be the ultimate in full-speed toll reading. Next time I need an adventure I know where to go.

Chocolate: the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems

Sorry the posts have been a little sparse lately. I've had, let us say, a situation at work for the past week or so that has required me to focus my anxious energies there. It's on its way to resolution at this point, so you can once again be the beneficiaries of my wealth of knowledge. My wealth of knowledge is more or less limited to chocolate, so I guess that's the topic for today.

Of late I have been using the Ghirardelli Intense Dark Mint Bliss as my weekly chocolate. I generally don't like Ghirardelli chocolate that much, but the mint seems to work both as a cover up and as a deterrent to eating the whole bar in one fell swoop.

I have also had occasion recently to sample Camille Block Mousse Chocolat Noir and Vosges Barcelona Exotic Candy Bar. I was really excited about the Mousse bar. It's these half spheres of chocolate filled with mousse. How can you go wrong? I don't know, but you can. It combined no flavor whatsoever with over 550 calories in the bar, and I am seriously considering throwing out the second half. The Vosges, on the other hand, I wasn't as excited about because I haven't been into milk chocolate lately, but it. was. amazing. (and. is. gone.) The salt, almonds, and chocolate have this really cool complex flavor that changes over time. Mmmmm. Meat/chocolate lovers may want to try out this other one from Vosges.

Skewing the statistics

Yesterday I took an online Student Health Survey, as requested by the school. I'm pretty sure it was not aimed at my demographic, as it had detailed questions about my meth and cocaine use and talked a lot about "partying" like you kids do. It asked how many days per week I am usually feeling tired enough for it to affect my work, but failed to ask if there were any 2-foot-tall gremlins contributing to my sleep deprivation.

There’s no Seder like our Seder

We celebrated Passover in the traditional way this year, by getting together with family and stuffing our Kosher for Passover-holes (or K-for-P, as our friends say) with matzo balls. If you would like to add a surreal twist to any Seder, might I suggest adding in some songs about Jewish traditions set to show tunes? Aaron's favorite was to the tune of The Flintstones theme song and included the lyrics, "Moses, he's our Moses...Out of, Pharaoh’s Egypt went the children that he soon would lure." I was myself was partial to "Haggadah wash that man right out of my hair."

Dylan celebrated by dressing in traditional Jewish clothing and dipping not just bitter herbs but also everything else in salt water. She also participated in the traditional Passover paddle boat outing.

Thoughts that crossed my mind during the 9:30pm to 3:30am shift Saturday night

Dylan is a robot. An EVIL robot. That needs no sleep to function. Or food.

Wow, Dylan woke up TWO HOURS ago.

Snuffy is sleeping so nicely. He always puts himself to sleep. 

Wow, Dylan woke up FOUR HOURS ago.

Aaron is also sleeping nicely. How nice for Aaron.

Wow, Dylan woke up SIX HOURS ago.

Hm, Aaron is usually better in desperate sleep situations and Dylan associates him with sleep. Here Dylan, go to dada...oh my god, I've never heard anyone scream that loud. 

I don't know that using my knee as a pillow is the most sustainable situation.

Is it possible that she will just pass out while playing with my hair? No, no it is not.

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Conversation from the next morning:

Aaron: Did Dylan keep you up last night?

Josh: No, she didn't keep me up. She just woke me up twenty times. You singing Baby Beluga also woke me up one time.

dogotter

Two of my favorite things

Deal Or No Deal Spring Break 2008

WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Everyone needs a Bear Bear

Snippets

Aaron and Dylan have a game they like to play where they gaze at each other and simperingly take turns yelling "Dylan!" "Daddy!" "Dylan!" "Daddy!"

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Dylan and I have a game where, every morning, as I am trying to get dressed so as to leave the house, I go into the closet to find an outfit and she follows me in and shuts the door and won't let me leave.

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Snuffy and Dylan have a game in which Dylan has some kind of food item and Snuffy tracks her every move with careful precision and sooner or later relieves her of the food.

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The sun! The sun!

Heat = off. Windows = open.

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Dylan is starting to really rock the two word sentences. So far Daddy, NO is her favorite, but she said Hi Mommy really well on the phone today. She is also ruthlessly efficient at communicating what she wants without words.

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This is going to be a problem. She's using tools.

Entourage

Dylan pulls a little street con

Go on, place a bet. How can you not trust this face?

Weekend Wrap Up

Well, the bylaws got quite a response. In the future I will be sure to post all our family administrative proceedings, including such goings on as "Dessert: Did You Seriously Just Snatch the Last Bite Off My Plate?" and "Dylan, Did You Know It's Legal To Leave You In Daycare For 10 Hours A Day? It Is, So Quit Whining."

It has been sunny here a lot lately, although in the 40s a lot of days. After a dreary winter with not too much snow, the whole city piles outside at the slightest hint of sun even if it's actually still cold. Today we wore ourselves out trying to take advantage of it. I played in my first ultimate game since last summer (note to Snuffy: when you are on the sidelines and I am on the field, you are unlikely to be harmed; get some kind of grip on yourself), Aaron made orange juice (okay, not technically an outdoor activity, but it seems like a summery thing to do), we walked Dylan to a friend's birthday party in the little red wagon (the party was not in the wagon, the walk was), and we took Dylan to say hi to our friends' new chickens (including Camilla, ha!), which Annabelle is minding in exchange for eggs. I think we should find out what else she might be willing to do in exchange for eggs? I already tricked her into picking Dylan up early from daycare one day last week just by saying, "Why don't you get Dylan from daycare today? She said your name this morning!"

Board of Directors

Chairman of the Board
Strategic Plan (2010 - 2015)
Hired Muscle

Dylan scores a stash from Great Grandma Ettie's

The meeting will now be called to order

Kate (KWE): I propose a new rule: No touching the construction equipment.

Aaron (AKB): That will have to go before the family board for approval.

Dylan (DWB): SHOE!

AKB: Good point. Psst. Dylan. This board member is open to bribery.

KWE: I guess we should have bylaws if we're going to have a board and meetings and stuff.

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Bleisenbylaws
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1 If we buy a four (4) pack of delicious cupcakes from Wegmans in the evening, each adult gets one cupcake for dessert. The remaining cupcakes shall be reserved for breakfast.
1.1 If the four (4) pack is purchased on a morning, such as a weekend (ie Sat. and/or Sun.), all bets are off.

2 "Fatty" is to be used as a term of endearment. But not in public.

3 You do not talk about Bylaws.

4 Either one (1) or two (2) Bear Bears shall be acceptable at Bedtime.
4.1 Bedtime is to occur daily without fail at 7pm EST.
4.1.1 Bedtime will remain in effect for no less than eleven (11) hours, and twelve (12) would be better. NB: this does not apply to AKB.
4.1.2 No waking up before the first bell

5 When a hug or kiss is requested, NO! and a rapid escape are not an acceptable response. NB: this does not apply to AKB.

6 Snuffy shall be fed prescription Duck and Potatoes due to a Sensitive Digestive Tract.

7 And he'll like it.

8 English, Woof, and Dylish shall be established as the Official Languages. All signage must be posted in at least two (2) out of three (3) official languages.

9 SHOE! SHOE! SHOE!

10 NO BARKING. NB: this does not apply to AKB.

11 Statistics shall not be discussed at the dinner table.
11.1 Medical school and all associated topics shall not be discussed in front of AKB.

12 Literal, but obviously incorrect, interpretations of questions/comments will be dealt with harshly. "Obviousness" will be established by the family arbitrator, ie Bleisenblog.

13 When one (1) is clearly addressing DWB, it shall not be considered amusing for those other than DWB to answer as though the speaker had been speaking to him.

14 One (1) will make it clearer to whom she is speaking.
14.1 What, exactly, was unclear about "Should we change your diaper?"
14.2 LALALALALALA

15 No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

16 At any given time, Snuffy shall be entitled to stretch himself across two-thirds (2/3) of the Bed or the Subaru.

17 Bleisenblog shall be established as the forum for public debate on all measures heretofore brought for Board consideration.

Thus ends the bylaws. Meeting dismissed.

Outside under the thing with the warm and the yellow

STEVE HOLT!

Dylan's friend Mya, who posed for the camera like some kind of baby supermodel. It's nice to work with new talent on occasion.

April Theme: No Pants

Today I received a call from daycare relaying that 1) Dylan had had a "messy" diaper, 2) all the clothes in her cubby were too warm, resulting in 3) she wasn't wearing pants. I couldn't get there for a few hours, so she spent half the day with no pants on. As did I, out of solidarity. I just thought you'd all like to know.

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We have a couple Bat Rabies Alert magnets on the fridge from my year at the state health department. The first bullet point is, "Bats play a role in nature, but may also carry rabies." I always imagine the people they are targeting with that point, which is apparently the crowd that feels, "Bats are vile filthy creatures that only exist to spread plague and pestilence across the land." No, silly. They play a role in nature.

More Dawguh

I have permanently switched to pronouncing dog as two syllables.

Snuffy and I were out for a walk yesterday and came across a scene just like the one with the plastic bag in American Beauty. It appears that Snuffy has a similar aesthetic sense to the boy in the movie because he got REALLY excited and leaped around for half the block. Snuffy, if you're reading this, I would ask that in the future you would conduct yourself in a manner befitting a now three-year-old dog.

His tastes also include recently-planted grass seed, as I learned. Pretty much our entire lawn needs reseeding, so I started working on it yesterday. The minute I had planted a dog-sized patch, Snuffy circled around like he does and planted himself, so to speak, right in the middle of it.

Speaking of dawguhs, check this out:

Guess what we did yesterday

Happy 3rd Snuffday!

There's a celebratory craft project and everything.

Dylan now calls Snuffy DAW-GUH, as do I. Or Nuffy, which I also like. A couple of Dylan/Snuffy's grandparents independently sent well wishes (before I even posted about it, meaning they know when Snuffy's birthday is), including an issue of BARk, the modern dog culture magazine ("You don't read to him enough") and a card complimenting his good looks ("Everyone's SITTING UP and taking notice"). They'll spoil him rotten.

For his birthday Dylan got me up really early on his behalf. That's about the extent of our celebration so far, but who knows what the night will bring.

In the meantime, he will be here trying to use his eyes to get you to do stuff for him.

Dylan Tells You What's What